everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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