so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
