I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
