I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
