Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
