I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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