If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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