i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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