I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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