omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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