i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
