Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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