wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
