I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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