I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
