Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
