think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Operation Purity has been aborted
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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