We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am one with the molecules
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
