Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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