my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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