wakey wakey hands off snakey
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
