i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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