I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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