WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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