My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
