My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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