just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
