Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
