I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
