Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
