masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
