She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
