take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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