big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
