Do you still have your period?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
