I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
