The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
