glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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