my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
