just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize