yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
