She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
