Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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