great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
