I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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