My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
