Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
