Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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