Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
