what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
