We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize