my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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