The maid of honor just puked.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
