So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize