There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
