Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your penis caused this!
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