giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
