there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
