when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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