Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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