A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
