i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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