we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
