what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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