Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
