You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
