Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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