Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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