we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
