I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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