Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
