my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
