Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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