I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
